Stuck In My Driveway

Today something really embarrassing happened to me. Even my coach "noticed" the irony. I got stuck with my car right in front of my driveway. I took the kids to school this morning, drove carefully all the way there and back, and for the last 60 sec of my drive I got stuck. The funny thing is that we shoveled that snow there a few days earlier thinking that it would melt or get rained on. I mean we are in Seattle. But not this time.

I was thinking of taking a picture and sending it to my husband... but I felt too embarrassed. I haven’t seen the irony or the fun in my stuck situation yet.

So, instead, I got out of the car and went to get the shovel. And this is how the story starts.

As I am shoveling, I notice a car running on the other side of the street and the driver staring at me. But who cares? He is a stranger. That car has been stuck in the snow for days now. “The driver is finally here (he doesn’t live in our neighborhood) to pick up his car”, I am thinking. “He totally understands me - being stuck himself”. Then another car passes by and stops by the mailboxes. My neighbor jumps out and asks "Do you need help?" "No, I got this" I answer and now I feel my self-doubts growing like a bulb breaking through the dirt. "Do I really?"

Funny, how we care less about a stranger’s opinion about us and care more about what those who know us think about us.

So, the neighbor is gone, and I jump back in the car. I am fully confident that I will get unstuck. I turn on the car and push the gas. Nothing is happening. I put it in reverse, give it some gas, the car is not moving. I shift into first gear, give it some gas and I see snow flying and I hear the wheels spinning. I am still stuck. I hear my inner voice screaming "This is so embarrassing!"

So, I do next what always works for me. I close my eyes for a second, take a deep breath and say out loud "You got this Andrea!" Then I do the same, back and forth rolling of the car and it suddenly moves backwards.

I am unstuck!

I put it in first gear and give it gas - with so much determination that I even surprise myself. I am through the snow pile and now driving on my ice-covered driveway.

"Ok, keep focus, it’s not safe yet" I tell myself and slowly drive into the dry garage.

I made it! I rejoice.

Now, if I'd be a normal person, I'd have gone into the house to celebrate my victory with a hot tea. But no. I jump out and walk straight to the shovel.

"I will not get stuck again. This snow will have to move and I will help it move." And I start shoveling.

I do a few throws and think "Maybe this is not a good idea. I mean, I could be doing so many other things. Or at least get a pair of gloves." The doubts show up and I feel like I am on a trial defending myself. "No, I will shovel for a little bit and then go in." I was still burning with the anger towards the snow and was ready to work it off.

As I am shoveling, a neighbor woman is walking towards me. I say hello. She says hello. "That's gonna take you a while" she says.

"Well, I got stuck and ..." and I am trying to defend my action, meaning shoveling, when she interrupts me "I got stuck too, yesterday. I don't have a snow shovel, just a shovel like you. I tried to clean my driveway, but you know, I have a hill, so I couldn't. I tried again today, but I got stuck again. I guess I am just stuck." And walks away shaking her head.

I look after her puzzled. I don't know which house she lives in, which hill she talks about. I realize I don't even know who she is. But I bet, I wouldn’t have met her, and she wouldn't have been walking on the street if it would have been cleaned off by the snow.

But today, she walked on my street and into my life for a particular reason.

Again, a normal person would get the clue: "This is an impossible mission. Has been tried before and failed at. Do not attempt. Stop right now. Save your life while you can."

But not me.

I grab my shovel and look at the snow pile.

"I will not get stuck again today. I will not." And I dedicate myself to this impossible mission.

Now, that I am fully focused and committed, I stop to create a plan. I look around.

• What is the task here? Create a clean pathway to the car to enter and exit the garage.

• What is the smallest element? Clean pathway.

• What are some resources? The drain, the sidewalk, the street, the strip of grass, the truck parked on the street.

• What are the dangers? Slippery ice on the driveway where I am stepping.

• What to look out for? Watch out for cars driving by, neighbors walking by, and possible rain or snow. Also watch for sun (maybe?).

• What is the end vision? Move the snow and break the ice.

• What is the next step? One shovel at a time, create a pathway to the drain.

And now the most important question:

How can I make this fun? By listening to a Ted Talk.

So, I turn on Rita Wilson's talk, push play and put the phone in my pocket. And I start shoveling with such an enthusiasm that I am embarrassed again.

Then I think "My mother would be so proud of me." When I was growing up my parents would take my brother and I to work on the family farm and shovels were part of every trip. We would dig to plant corn or potato, or we would dig out the weeds from the field, or work in the grape orchard. I grew up liking physical work because it gave me so much gratification at the end of the day to see "the fruit of my effort", as mom would say. There is something magical about seeing a field full of weeds cleaned out after a day’s work and ready to host new plants that would produce new crop for us to feast on. I was fascinated by the circle of life at a young age.

I stay in the moment and work one shovel of snow at a time. One, then another, then another. As I am fully emerged in my work, I notice I am smiling and laughing. The Ted Talk audience is laughing, so I am laughing, too. Barbara Sher is funny. One would be fooled to think of me now that I am laughing because I am shoveling.

The secret to a happy life is that I am laughing but not because I am shoveling. I am laughing while shoveling. Anyone can shovel snow. But can you smile and laugh while doing it?

Anyone can breathe and live life. But can you smile, laugh, and enjoy every minute of your life? Well, maybe not every minute. What I believe is I can find moments for laughter in whatever I do. Life is fun. Laughing is optional.

As I am laughing, I look up. The clouds are breaking and the sun is shining through. I stop shoveling and look around.

It's a beautiful day! I am alive, I feel great, I'm having fun and the driveway is getting more and more visible.

I have a purpose, I know what I want and I am working on getting what I want. I grab the shovel, like it's an old friend, and we continue with our fun.

Then my phone reminds me of my appointment with my coach. "Maybe I reschedule it" I think, and I shovel one more. I really want to get this snow shoveling done. I am so close. I want to feel the dopamine rush and have a sense of accomplishment.

Another shovel of snow. But wait. I remember something.

I made an earlier commitment to myself three years ago that I would make time for my personal and professional development.

This is why I have chosen to have a coach. She wouldn't mind rescheduling, I know.

It's not her life I want to transform. It's my life.

Then I crack a big smile. My mom's voice shows up in my head again "You can take a break. The work will wait for you. Nobody else will do the shoveling for you, don't worry. Go and get on the call." This is one of her wisdom's she shared early in my life with me. Work always waits for you. Take a break.

I don't know how, but I am on time when I call my coach. She greets me with a big Happy New Year and I immediately switch to my energy reserve. Like I haven't been shoveling for 2 hours. I am present and ready to learn.

Not even 5 minutes into our conversation she calls me out. "Andrea, I notice you called your idea a crazy idea a couple of times already. What's that about?"

And this is why I have a coach. I shared with her my want for 2022 and I labeled it crazy. Why? So, that others won't label me crazy for having such an amazingly creative idea. But once she pointed out my behavior, it was obvious. I was not believing in myself nor in my want. And if I don't believe in myself, who will stand up and fight for what I want with me? It really starts with me.

I have a not crazy, but an amazingly creative idea for how to build trust and engagement within a team and an organization. And I am ready to respect it and share it.

Those who will think I am crazy, will think that no matter what I say.

But those who are my tribe, my people, will welcome my idea and together we will create an impactful 2022.

The call is over, and I am happy. It feels good to keep my commitment. I grab something to eat, drink some water and reach for my warm hat.

I am not done with my other commitment.

I put on my warm boots, greet my shovel and open the garage door.

There’s nobody on the street. The car with the stranger in it is gone. He got unstuck, too.

I start shoveling when I remember the fun element. So, I take out my phone and push play again. Barbara Sher is holding an Idea Party. One that I am inspired to create and hold myself this month. Working on people’s impossible dreams? Now that is a number 10 on my happiness level meter.

The snow is piling up to the sides and the driveway is turning black again. Like the puzzle pieces of a scattered game. The driveway looks more and more familiar.

And as I shovel the last piece of ice, I hear Barbara saying “Don’t ask what is the meaning of life. Life is not an answer. It’s a question. And you’re the answer. What you do with those gifts inside of you will determine whether life was a good experiment or not.”