Break Up With Being Perfect
I was perfect once for a second.
When I fainted on a hot summer day and lost conscious about the world, where I was and who I was. That moment was so perfect that I never could remember it again.
For a long time, my driving goal was to be perfect. Be perfect in this, do perfect in that, and so on. It was the only measure and the only one that mattered – to me.
And it was a miserable experience.
Until one day I read somewhere that there was no perfect this or perfect that. That I would never achieve perfection and would never have it. It was an endless and joyless goal that was ruining how I treated myself and others around me. And I wanted to be better. Better than treating others like they could achieve perfection.
I wanted to change the world, and this seemed like the “perfect” first step.
And then the magic happened. The next day life gave me a gift. My mentor and manager sent me a note about an opportunity to lead a team that focused on work place excellence. “Work place excellence? What does that mean?” I thought.
I started reading about it and through my research I discovered that striving for excellence was about surpassing where I was in the present while focusing on being outstanding or extremely good in the moment. At the same time excellence was about looking for how to get a little bit better every day. That resonated with me.
“I could do that!” I shouted with excitement. I realized that people are not born with excellence. They cultivate it over periods of time through learned work ethic, smart work (not hard work) and through continuous learning.
This was different than being perfect. I always knew that I was not perfect; and I thought that by doing things “the right way”, “the best way” and “the way others thought was perfect” would make me perfect. But all these years while chasing perfection I was feeling not enough, dissatisfied and not good enough. It was like there was a big hole in my heart and I could not build a long enough bridge to cross to the other side.
I am writing about this topic today because I know many of you are struggling with being perfect. I want to share with you today that there is another way to living, working, parenting, dating, playing sports and leading others. It is striving for excellence. That, excellence, we all can achieve one day at a time. And you can make the switch, too.
Here are a few next steps that you can try tomorrow.
For women:
Take that perfect outfit out of your closet. I had one, too that I kept in the closet for when… Put it on tomorrow when you go to work, or go to the grocery store, or take the kids to after school activities, or go to have dinner. Dress up and enjoy the feeling of being not perfect in a perfect outfit.
Write a goodbye letter addressed to your perfect self. A beak up letter. Write about the good times and the bad times. And then tell it that you will move on now and it should, too. And it is time to say goodbye and go your separate ways.
For men:
Write a list of all the things that you have built so far in your life – your friendships, your family, your house, your car, your garden, your career, your working relationships, your community. And write next to each how much they appreciate your hard work, your dedication and your support. And then add to each that they want to spend more time with you being the way you are right now - because you are enough for them and they appreciate you.
Ask someone that you love deeply to accept you for who you are. Yes, with words out loud. The way you are right now – not perfect, maybe with a few pounds more then 10 years ago, maybe with glasses, maybe working more hours than 5 years ago, and maybe not going out on date nights as much as before. Still, you feel more love towards them then ever before. Because you are not perfect and they are not either. And being not perfect is the best that you both can give to each other.
Or find your own ways to give up perfection. Either way, if you take the courage to give up on being perfect, you will find your peace, your freedom and your love that you have robbed yourself from for a long time.
“Attachment (to results) is the source of all suffering.” Buddha
Is it your time to break up with being perfect?